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Talk:KThxBye/@comment-25598148-20191129044722
so i cant watch that video of melissa benoist talking about abuse (hits too close 2 home) but i did read a lot of tweets about it. and quotes from her explaining this shit. it makes me sick honestly...(long rant upcoming sry) basically i grew up in abusive home. physically.. until i was 14/15. because when i was 13/14 my dad got arrested for domestic violence. sadly he came home within a few days, and my mom didnt press charges tho at the time she wanted to divorce him. and i think if there wasnt the tie of 4 kids attached to him, she would of (and i think she should of anw) and nowadays, everyone pretend like nothing happened. like when i was 14/15 we moved and we had to live with my grandparents for a year to find our own place and my parents 2 get jobs. it was an impromptu move...This was when we lived in AZ and we moved back to MA. And ofc he isnt gonna be beating the shit out of us & my mom under his parents roof, he wants others to remain oblivious to it. and in that year we lived there, CPS had to come to talk to me.basically, i was home & kinda witnessed the event , i overheard it while my siblings were either on other side of the house, or out. i was basically in the next room. other than it occurred, this is something that bothers me about it... he basically get away with it imo. i would of been perfectly fine with CPS taking me away when i was 15 if im quite honest. ill miss my other family members. but the hate i have for my father is irreparable. and im not the biggest fan of my mom either. well, idr if i said enough to them to merit action tho, because my mom was in the next room eavesdropping on the conversation & basically was tryna laugh it off like the incident was nothing once it happened. which pisses me off she lets him get away with it, but also she is a victim so w/e. and when it happened...it happened because it was payday. (they were paid biweekly as well) and he went that night and spent all their money, lost it at a casino. and beats her up for being upset. he has anger issues and gambling addiction. and i dont even have pity for this sob. hes a grown ass man and having problems u chose not to try 2 help urself for.. doesnt excuse projecting ur problems in abusing others. esp that projection, ur harming ppl, ur not raising children right to beat them up, to see their siblings or parent beat up, it encourages that, messes them up mentally. we had to move back suddenly with no place/jobs cuz there is not casinos as close here?? idk. but we did have to because of him. and my parents? blamed it on my sisters diabetes and health care. i have no idea how they had the lack in morals to even keep saying this after within a year my sister ended up attempting to OD on insulin like 3 times and was out of home for like 3 years, i didnt find out they have been lying abt this til she came home and they had an argument abt how they blame it on her when its not true. thats some..next level fked up sht. i seriously dunno how they live with themselves this sister, btw...the one who beat me up like daily for years. yeah i hated her for awhile. i dont anymore. yes her making me wanna kill myself when i was 12/13 is what led to me being in therapy/on meds til i was 18, but she was only 3 years older than me(and justanother kid struggling). vs my parents (mostly my dad) who are what, late 30s/early 40s? at this time. they should know better than do hit, abuse in away way, their kids no less. but they didnt. albeit, my mom barely hit us, but she did. i remember she give me a bloody nose when i was 10 and got mad at me for having a sensitive nose. yep. being hit square in the nose will do that. make my nose bleed. :clown: and when it happens often, ofc it is sensitive... and almost every time my dad hit us, it was facilitated by her. like u have to discipline them, because they said sumn rude to me. like she is a victim of him too, but she knew after from what i can remember (i happened from early as i can remember) it quite honestly prob went on for like, a decade before the incident i know of, he hurt her. and yk what? he def continued hitting us after he was arrested. until we moved. yet everyone else in this family forgive him. im the odd one out and the bad guy cuz i hate him , ignore him. listen when will my mom get it. i dont give a flying fck if me ignoring him nd never replying to him makes him cry. its not like he done soem massive improvements, got help. etc. everyone just wants to turn a blind eye and act like it was nbd. and like im crazy to not like an abusive pos. in fact? hitting stop, sure. but he is just as much emotionally abusive, which has existed my whole life as well. i am honestly a shell of a person, i have so many mental problems that have been unmedicated for 4.5 years at this point cuz my parents stopped letting me see psychiatrist cuz i didnt wanna see therapist(um..they, esp my mom is rly homophobic so im rly rightless to them lol). they just view my issues so wrong. like its some..inconvenience. when like..their abuse is what developed these things in me? i just feel so halted in my life. i cant advance , go to college, get a career, etc. because im weak. they just dont get it. i go on plane alone, i go boston for a concert, and they talk like..so infantilizing about me. like "she went alone, i am so proud of her" and they are like "shes shy". its like fk. call it shy. but im depressed & have avpd, among other things. they just dont get it. i dunno if this makes sense but its like. i just hate how my mom says this. and when i stopped therapy she always treated me damaged and told me i had to go back, like i had to be fixed. its like, two extremes, neither is good. sure, i can go on a plane alone. but i cant asnwer a phone. i cant talk to a stranger, if i try college again i will prob have a mental breakdown n leave as i did the last time. and ive thought about it, but i just cant open up to get help. because there i am justback to being a damage, inconvenience. like its so fucked. dont baby me, but care. dont disregard. put an effort, that is genuine. because they me as being damaged and 'just shy'. my sisters bpd? she has attitude problems. naw, yall abusing her has nothin to do with it, she just a problem child... my brother has aspergers? he is, his habits are.. annoying to you. also make fun of my ocd habits when my room isnt organized, well yea im depressed w no motivation...like give me a break. yall really shouldnt be parents, to 4 kids no less. and i realize, im 22, i have some responsibility in this but like. i have no motivation. thats it. as much as they can go aw she knows how to get on a plane with out me holding her hand...i still wanna die as much as i did a decade ago, if not more. and it makes me so fking mad and sad. like what could of my life been like if i was not raised on, and witnessing, such harsh physical & emotional abuse. if i was ever raised in environment i felt loved or comfortable. i know it could be worse. but im just hurt, and i wanna give up. bc i dont know how to improve. how to escape where im stuck...and i guess, in the end..the point is. the domestic violence in this news really sparked this rant in me, so ig ill just end in saying. this shit rly alters people lives, it probably ruined mine. and too often the abusers get off scot free and forgiven when they dont deserve it. that should never happen. but i hate being stuck where everyone else forgives my abuser(father) and im expected to, as well.